1. I'm not making up the rules.
2. Okay, sometimes I am making up a rule, but that's only because we haven't needed a rule about riding a scooter down the slide before. Now we need one. So thanks to you, I made one.
3. We made the rules for a reason. Snorkel? Danger of suffocation if improperly used. Fins? Cramps and sprained ankles. Kickboards? Missing teeth and broken jaw. There is a history behind every rule. Please do not become the history behind a new rule (see point above).
4. Just because the other lifeguard let you do it doesn't mean I have to. Guard discretion. You should be thankful I care enough about your safety to enforce the rules.
5. Threatening to leave because you're mad at me isn't really a threat. If you're being difficult I WANT you to leave. Mad at me? Yes, please leave. Now.
6. My manager likes me more. Okay, maybe not. But in all honesty, if you disagree with me, my manager probably isn't going to take your side. We are a team, and I'm just enforcing his rules anyway.
7. My fellow guards and I are family. We will stick together. We have to be ready to support each other in an emergency, so it's better for everyone that we actually care about each other.
8. If you ask for my number, yes everyone in the guard room will know. And offer an opinion.
9. Yes, I'm judging your swimming abilities. And trying to figure out what stroke you're swimming because I've never seen anything quite like it before. Do you need a lifeguard or are you okay?
10. I can't change the water temperature. And you're not the first one to tell me it's too hot/too cold today (sometimes both within the same hour).
11. Unless I smile and encourage it, don't splash me. I don't really want to have to do my hair all over again after work.
12. If you really need 30 minutes to shower after closing, please either get out of the water sooner or do it at home. I want to go home too, and I may even have plans that were supposed to start 15 minutes ago. Please respect my personal time and understand that when the pool closes we are CLOSED. That means no showers after hours either.
13. I hate Marco Polo. Most. Annoying. Game. Ever.
14. Boys: Acting like an idiot or breaking rules to get my attention doesn't attract me to you in any way. Girls: Flashing the male guards is not a new scheme. Just don't.
15. Flirting with me will not gain you special privileges. I don't care how sweet you are, no one goes down this slide head first. No one.
16. No, you may not use the lost and found toys/goggles/towels.
17. Fake drowning is not funny. Drowning is serious and requires serious actions. It's hard enough to figure out who is drowning and who just swims like that normally. Don't pretend to drown or we won't know when you really need our help. It's like crying wolf.
18. I can't fix the sink that's dripping in the locker room right now because I'm sitting in the guard chair keeping the rest of the patrons safe. Thank you for informing me about it, but it will have to wait until my lunch break.
19. I'm sorry for staring at you, but you're the only one here and I'm bored. I was probably spaced out and not really looking at you anyway so don't worry.
20. I love giving pointers about stroke and swimming techniques. Ask me for tips if you'd like some advice!
21. You may think it's fun to swim while it's raining, but I hate sitting in the guard chair while it's pouring cold rain and the wind is nearly whipping me out of my chair.
22. There are different types of life jackets, and most are not coastguard approved, meaning they may pose a safety risk. If you are unsure whether your child's life jacket is an approved one, feel free to ask! We may even have a safe one you may borrow!
23. Water wings are dangerous. Please don't use them!!!
Overall, lifeguarding is a great job and I love it. It has it's downs (it can be really hot or super cold, sunburn, and grumpy patrons) but it can also be very rewarding. As a lifeguard I would just like to ask...please don't get mad at us or be difficult. We are here to keep you safe, and we would literally put our lives on the line to save yours. We are serving you, so please respect us. I really do enjoy my job. If you're kind to me I will be kind to you. If you are rude to me...I will still be kind to you but I will glare at you when you're not looking. Just kidding, that's not very professional. But still, please be nice to me! I promise to do my best to make sure you can enjoy your summer day at the pool! :-)